Poison

It was Pranjal's birthday. She couldn't wait to see what gift had Priyanshu bought for her. She slept at night expecting to be woken up with a huge surprise in the middle of the night. She did wake up with a surprise (it was morning, almost), Priyanshu couldn't find his tie and he was running way too late for his meeting. He almost shook her..

"Pran, wake up! Please wake up!"
"What is it?", said she, with a wicked grin.
"I seem to have misplaced my tie. I know you slept late, could you please just check up my tie. I really need to rush."
"Did you check the third drawer in the cabinet, you always keep all random stuff there."
"I did. I wouldn't wake you up unless I had run out of ideas"
"Oh, c'mon", she dragged herself out of the bed, ransacked his wardrobe, and lo! the tie was there, beneath all the clothes.
"God! You're a darling!", he said as he grabbed the tie, knotted it perfectly well and rushed.
"I made you some breakfast, it's not much, though." He screamed from near the living room. And finally, "I'll probably be late from this meeting, don't wait for dinner" he screamed again as he grabbed the door.

There was acute silence. Pranjal couldn't believe this happened. She knew he wouldn't forget her birthday. He was the one to create a ruckus every year for the last 5 years. He always wanted to make it special. This time around, however, she was left stunned.
She thought the breakfast would probably be the surprise (it did not seem though, from the dry voice she had heard declare the existence of breakfast). So she struggled to walk downstairs. And there it was! Brown bread and milk. Brown bread an milk! BROWN BREAD AND MILK!!
She was angry, well, sort of. This was almost disheartening. She heard footsteps. "Oh! so this is it", she thought. Priyanshu walked back in.
"Hey there, beautiful"
"Ah! what did you forget now", she said with a tired voice, but was bubbling with excitement within.
"I forgot to tell you that you are the most adorable person I know and I will always love you."
"Aw! I think I will always love myself too."
"Yeah, Very funny. You look tired. Did you see the doctor last night?"
"Not really. I got late from work."
"Seriously! You work too much. Had I not this meeting, I'd have abducted you from work to take you to the doc. Please meet a doc today."
"This new project is keeping you busy as well, you seem to forget things these days."
"Hey hey hey, you can't say that. I came back to tell you that I love you"
"That's all that you came back for?"
"Of course, and also to tell you to eat something before you get back to your work"
"Aw! You are a sweet sweet man."
"I know. Anyway, I got to rush. See you later at night. We'll probably go for dinner this weekend."
"Sure. It's a date."

Pranjal was disappointed. She was certain it's the work that has occupied Priyanshu's mind enough. He's not the kinds to miss her birthday. She couldn't complain really. 5 years of a married life and it had been beautiful. They had met through friends of friends and "clicked" instantly. They were both insanely romantic people. Flowers, letters, movies, balloons and the works! Married life did not feel like responsibility. It was more of an elongated picnic. She had all that she could ask for. She would generally over-work at office. Priyanshu did not complain; on the contrary, he'd make her dinner and coffee and do all that he could to help her.

Their's was a pleasant life. With the exception of this day, of course. Not that it was something that would change anything between them. Pranjal knew that no matter what Priyanshu did, nothing would change. But it was a little uncomfortable for her. She was expecting quite a lot. But then she told herself, "It's nothing. He's got a lot of work."

She went to work, tiring as it was. She knew she was sleepier than usual. Surprisingly, though everyone wished her for her birthday, there was no cake, no celebration, no nothing. She quite liked it though. She liked her workplace and the people there, but was happy if it did not get personal. Since her evening meeting got cancelled, she could make the appointment with the doctor. She gave blood samples, et al. The doc did ask about her family planning: Pranjal was certain she wasn't pregnant. So, the doctor confirmed that she'll get her reports the next day.

Tired as she was, Pranjal really felt she could ask Priyanshu to come pick her up. But then, she realized, he had left early in the morning. He must have gotten really worked up. So she drove her way through. Once she reached home, she could hear people talking.
"Oh great! He's got friends over! They'll watch some ridiculous sport and I'll be serving popcorn all night. His friends aren't bad people, but not today!!!"

So she went in, and her cousin opened the door. That was a surprise! A lot of people were at home. Most of them she adored. Her friends, cousins who she really loved, everyone!
She came in, and they yelled in unison' "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
So that was why Priyanshu ran off in the morning. He was rushing to the airport to pick people up. All her close friends from office were there too, apparently, they were all instructed to do nothing at work.

They had a great time together. At about 10 o'clock, Pranjal got a call. It was the doc. She was stunned for a minute. Everyone saw her change. Priyanshu took her in a corner and inquired.
"It was the doc."
"What did she say?"
"I've something. it's serious."
"What?"
"I've a kind of a tumor in my stomach."
"God! But tumors are operable, these days, I know they are. You'll be alright"
"No No, I can't operate the tumor now"
"Then what do we do?"
"I'll have to keep the tumor in me for now. It'll come out, later."
"Is she insane! I don't think she is a good doctor. How can you keep a tumor in you."
"Everyone does."
"Are you nuts? I don't care, we're taking you tomorrow to meet Shyam uncle. He had a tumor, somewhere. He's gotten it removed. It'll all be alright. he's doing fine now.It'll be ok. I'll take you to all the doctors that there are."
"Ok. Ok. Calm down. This is that other kind of tumor."
"What is an other kind of tumor?"
"The kind that grows a heart and limbs and all the organs in my stomach. Then it'll come out for us to play with.We'll name the tumor, and buy dresses and toys. You know what it means, don't you?"
"Yeah, right. That means something. Lady! go to bed. We're meeting doctors tomorrow." (He was a little angry now)
"Priyanshu, that is no way to talk to a pregnant woman."
"You don't tell me how to talk to a pregnant woman."
There was silence.

Priyanshu yelled the loudest cry he could.
"You mad woman! If you weren't pregnant, I'd have murdered you right now."
They laughed together.
All the family was told.
Later at night, Priyanshu held Pranjal close and thanked her immensely.
"Pran, you have no idea how happy I am."
"Oh shut up already! I am happier than you, I think."
"It's not possible"
"Are you sure about this?"
"What do you mean, there is no way anyone can be happier than what I am right now"
"No, no, nonono.. I mean, are you sure we are ready to be parents?"
"Of course we are. We have enough savings. You probably will need to take some time off your office, but financially that won't be a problem. And I'll take the best care of you and your child. Our child."
"Yes yes. No one doubts that. But I don't know."
"You don't want to have a baby now?"
"It's not that."
"What is it?"
"Nothing. I guess the mood swings thing has begun."
They laughed it off again and slept.

Priyanshu was over excited from then on. He always bought munchies for his Pran, saying she'll need to eat stuff in the midnight. Their mothers took turns at staying over at their house to give Pranjal company and to take care. But more often than not, Pranjal wasn't around to be taken care of. She did not start her maternity leaves. Pranjal had had this discussion with Priyanshu earlier.
"Why do you still work?"
"Because I don't have to be at home. I'm pregnant, not handicapped."
"I know what you are. But you need to rest."
" I don't have to rest. I think I will once this project is completed."
"You always have projects! Have you even spoken at office about leaves?"
"I have, just not seriously"
"God! Pran, are you even serious about this? If you don't get a start date to your leaves, I will personally talk to your boss."
"Oh, shut up, will you? That won't be necessary. I'll start on the maternity leaves the day the 5th month begins."

The moms stopped coming over. It was just Pranjal and Priyanshu. He took great care of her, whenever she was at home. Other than her not resting enough, they really enjoyed this wait to parenthood.

Priyanshu painted a spare section of the house. He added a lot of photo frames, with pictures of various members of the family. He even bought the toys and a cradle. It was bad omen, his mom told him. But his excitement knew no bounds. He would chide his Pran some days, "I feel only I'm going to be the parent." She would smile back.

They thought of names. Pran suggested that the kid's initials will also be with a "P", since both of their names started with the same letter, but they wanted a simple name. Thus they spoke of it forever, Priya, Prachi, Panchi, et al for a girl and Piyush, Pancham, Puneet, Pranav and the likes. Sometimes, Priyanshu, the funny man that he is, used to say that they should name the kid Poison. It was a unisex name, after al; Priyanshu would say.
There was this one day Priyanshu was annoyed, "Pran, I cannot think a name. And you don't really seem to be helping."
"What is the hurry? The baby won't need a name for months now."
"But we need to think of one, what would you call the baby when you see your child the first time? I don't want the kid to be called by a million stupid names till we can find a good name!!"
"Why, we'd call the baby Poison, won't we?"
They burst out laughing.

Priyanshu was elated for months. He had already bought everything that the kid and Pranjal would need. IIt was the first childbirth for both the families. The mothers would keep worrying about how Pranjal was not really resting / exercising like she should. Priyanshu was equally worried, but he would act like it was nothing. He could not get them worried after all.

It was the eighth month of her pregnancy. Pranjal was running late for her meeting. She thought, she'd rather climb up the stairs instead of waiting for the lift. It was the 3rd floor and everybody kept saying that she needed exercise. She had a lot of papers in her hands and was literally running. And there! She felt like her water broke. In the adrenalin rush, she missed a step and fell. A lot of people heard he scream and came to aid.

The people in the office knew her, quite well. They called Priyanshu and an ambulance. Priyanshu got so worried, he could not breathe for a minute.
Priyanshu felt the time couldn't pass outside the opertaion theater. His mother came, "It'll all be ok." He burst into tears. He knew it'll be fine. He wanted it to be fine. He was scared.
Pranjal's mother, a pessimist, was muttering all throughout. "She never sits at a place. She is so restless. What if something happens to the baby!"
"Nothing will happen," he said (almost screamed), "everything will be fine."
The doc came out. The look on her face spoke dismal tidings. Priyanshu wished, for a minute, that the doc never reaches him.
But she did.
"Pranjal is alright," she said, "but I'm really sorry, we could do nothing for the kid."
"No!!!"
"The kid was too weak from the stress. We could have done nothing that would have saved him."
"It was a boy,  eh?"
"Yes, it was."
Priyanshu ran towards Pranjal. She must have been devastated. He did hear the ladies talk behind him, something that meant that Pranjal's irresponsibility killed the baby. But he did not care. He knew her Pran had lost what she prized most. He knew she must be crying a river.

He knocked on the door. there wasn't a response.
He opened the door.There she was, still as a statue, quite to his surprise. He walked right in. He thought he'll have to console her. He held her hand.
"It's ok," said she, "We'll be fine. It all is destiny, after all. We'll have another kid, soon enough."
Priyanshu could not speak a word. He was not just heart-broken with it all, he was also aghast. He could not  believe she was so calm. He was rather unhappy to see her this composed.

"How could she!" He wondered, "as if it meant nothing to her. Everybody else is so hurt. But her. could it be..."

Days passed. Things were never the same for Priyanshu. He did not go to work. Quite frankly, he did not leave the apartment. He was sit for hours together with the toys he had bought for the kid.
"You should move away from these. Lets go somewhere pleasant." Pranjal said.
"Yes, we probably should."
"I'll plan something, then? Let us make it a surprise"
"You know, Pran, I wonder, I have bought so many things I want to cling to, even after so many weeks, why don't you cling to  something, anything, anything at all?"
"You need to move on, Priyanshu. It has been 3 weeks. You would not be able to move your mind off your baby unless you try and get busy elsewhere."
"Yes, Pran, it was my baby. Clearly. Because, you seem to have had no trouble moving on. Yes, I am sulking, and that is because my baby died. How do you cope up with it? How is it so easy for you? I don't think I will be able to move on any time soon. And guess what, I notice you don't really have anything to cling to because you did not get a thing. I don't even remember seeing you excited about the baby. Our baby."
"How could you!"
"Oh! So there, at least now I can see you cry. I almost wondered if you have been so stunned by it all that your tears dried up. Apparently not. you can cry if someone hurts your ego. But somehow, your baby dies and you become the statue of ice. Oh wait, I'll correct myself. I think it was my baby that we are talking about."
"Really, that would have made you feel better, seeing me cry?"
"I am not sure, Pranjal, but I was really hoping for some emotion. I don't remember seeing any."
"Priyanshu, you cannot blame it on me for not crying."
"Oh yes. Oh yes. I would definitely not blame it on you because you did not cry. But how did my baby die, might you explain? You know normal women take maternity leaves when they are due. Normal women take care of their children. Normal women do not run on stairs. Might I add, normal women, DO NOT KILL THEIR BABIES"
"You cannot do this. I did not kill the baby. It was an accident."
"Of course it was an accident. But it was not supposed to happen, you were not supposed to be at office on the day your water broke."
"For the love of God! Say no more. Say no more."
"Why, you can  run around as much as you want, and I cannot even talk. Sounds a little unfair to me."
"Priyanshu, please, listen to me. This is all this moment. I know you are hurt. But you do not have to do this."
"Oh I do not have to. But guess what! I will. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you for murdering my son."
"You know that is not true, don't you? You know I would do nothing to hurt you. I was going to be the mother of the child. I loved the child too."
"I would not be too sure of that. You did tell me once, remember, you were not sure if you wanted to have the baby, you thought you were not ready."
"That was just me thinking out aloud."
"Tell me this one thing Pran, did you really really ever want the baby?"
"Why would you ask that?"
"That is not an answer Pran. I swear I do not want to talk badly to you. You know that too. But I can't help it anymore. If you could convince me once, just once that you loved the baby as much as I did, I would be able to move on. I do not want this, but I hate you every time I think of the baby. It has been 3 weeks. I have, for the first time in my life, hated you. Please tell me you wanted to have the baby, for me to get back my peace of mind, if nothing else."
"Priyanshu, I .."
"Say it. Please. I beg of you, lie if you have to." He was almost about to explode.
" I love you Priyanshu. I would do anything for you."
"Did you want the baby? It's an objective question, dear."
One could hear nothing in the silence, but if one heard carefully enough, there was noise. Something broke.
"There, so when you say that you could do anything for me, you forgot to add conditions apply."
"Priyanshu, don't. Please."
"Pranjal, I suggest you visit your parents for a few days. I don't think I want to see you right now."
"I think it is best for the two of us to spend some time together. Just us. Let us hold ourselves together"
"Pranjal, I love you. I swear I do. But I cannot stand you anymore. Not right now, at least. Please go. Else, I will."
The conversation was over. She left.

Few months later...

Pranjal was in the train with her colleague, Neerja. They were travelling back from an official assignment, which ended successfully. Neerja was ecstatic. Pranjal, however, seemed lost most of the times that she wasn't working. No one really knew what happened with her, she wasn't really someone to talk much, and they all thought that the baby's death took a toll on her.
Pranjal was staring out the window aimlessly. Neerja, in a surprised note, "Pranjal ma'm, I am sorry for intruiding in your personal life but I think I just saw your husband, Priyanshu sir."
"You did!"
"Yes ma'm, he's sitting in the next coach. You did not know he was travelling with?"
"No I did not. Did he look ok?"
"As in..."
"Did he look ok?"
"I guess, why would you ask so?"
"I haven't seen him in months, that's why."
"I'm sorry. I did not know. I am so very sorry."
"It's ok. I haven't really told anyone about it."
"I don't want to really breach your personal space, but the two of you were so much in love and so good together. May I ask what happened?"
"Poison." and she spoke no more.