Janaki had a life many would envy, or so they thought. She was thirty-eight years old, but a look at her and you wouldn't believe she is a day older than twenty-five. She did not have any children, none her own anyway, but a fulfilled and prosperous married life. Apoorv and she still had the spark, every time they looked into each others' eyes, even after so many many years of being married.
"He's very successful," they said, "too successful to stay loyal to one". "He's already been in many relationships, he wouldn't know how to handle just one." They said. But Janaki was too smitten to hear any of it. She still was.
Their's was a story right out of a fairy tale. Apoorv was struggling through a bad divorce. He had a son. Ironically, neither the ex-wife nor he wanted custody of the child. It was a complicated story.There were times, several of them, when Janaki and Apoorv would sit over coffee and have a hearty laugh over it all. It was during this time that Janaki had met Apoorv; his book had just been published. She had read his works and went to one of those book signing events that the publishers had organised. The first time they saw each other, Janaki knew that she will melt in his arms, and Apoorv found what he was always looking for, all these days.
They met several times thereafter and enjoyed every moment spent together. Getting married seemed like the obvious progression. But Janaki's parents weren't very happy about this alliance. No set of parents would welcome their daughter getting married to a divorced father of one, more than a decade older than her. But Janaki was in love. She tried to explain at first, not too hard, though. To her, her father wasn't the best husband and her step-mother never fit into her mother's shoes. To her, Apoorv was the solace she needed, the only missing puzzle piece. It wasn't a question, it was a statement. SO she walked out of her house. And thus, they were married. Janaki never reconciled with her parents, did not even make a frail attempt. If she ever listed the things that she would have done differently, this wouldn't even make it to the list. Yes. She was that happy, at least until a little while ago.
It was not just the fact that they loved each other. They understood, shared the same sense of wicked humour, saw everything in multiple lights, liked the same misadventures, movies, songs, the works! Every day became more comfortable than the last. There would be days when they would escape the grotesque mansion and go miles away into the wild; just to stare at stars in the night, hold hands, rejuvenate the undying love.
It wasn't very long ago that they started having his ex-wife and son visit them. Apoorv wasn't very fond of either. But Janaki wanted to have their company. She knew that she probably would never want to have her own children. But she wanted to be around Apoorv's son. "It is one of those ageing woman things," she told Apoorv. Guess that was all that she could think of. And Apoorv would never deny her anything. More so, of late, he would agree with anything Janaki ever asked for. It wasn't much of a debate, one would think.
So there they were, one fine day, Apoorv wasn't at home, but Vaidehi and Kannan were. Every day that they would come over, Apoorv wouldn't be at home. Janaki would have begun to feel that he was avoiding them on purpose; but she knew that work had kept Apoorv away from home a little too frequently in the near past. She wasn't really the one to complain.
"Why isn't he at home ever?" Vaidehi asked, "Why do I not get to see him unless he wants something of me? Oh! This reminds me of good old times." She laughed hysterically.
Janaki tried to cut her laugh short; half out of the courtesy of conversation, but primarily because her laugh was scary, "He's out for work, he should be back soon."
Vaidehi wasn't even convinced, "What work, don't you wonder? He is supposed to be a writer. Can't he write anywhere? He hasn't published anything in what 6 years now! Trust my word honey, he's not the one you trust this blindly. I did it once. Look where it got me."
Kannan interrupted the conversation (much to Janaki's relief), he wanted to play on Daddy's laptop. Though Janaki believed that she would enjoy Kannan's company, he wasn't really an ideal son. She dismissed it with a thought that probably all kids this age would be similar. But the more she got exposed to the pleasure of the company of Apoorv's ex-family, the more she understood why Apoorv couldn't live with them. She laughed a little within, as she realised how amused would Apoorv be if she told him thusly. While Janaki was rummaging through these thoughts, Kannan had already unlocked his father's laptop and was ransacking each and every possible nook to find something that could entertain him. The laptop chimed. It was an email. Kannan ran to his mother. "Maa, is it spelt t o n i te or t o n i g h t?", he asked. "Why do I pay your school if I have to answer these questions? Why are you asking anyway?" she wasn't pleased.
Kannan screamed "But this e-mail daddy got reads "tonight" and it is not even a full sentence." Janaki became a little curious. She went over to the laptop to see what was it that drew a smirk on Vaidehi's face. Apoorv's publisher (who had last published for him about 7 years ago) had messaged him "Tonight". It was almost the same time that Apoorv called Janaki to tell her that he shall not be home for the night. Janaki wasn't too sure if this was a cause for an alarm, but she remembered the publisher. She was one of the most beautiful women Janaki had ever met and she also remembered her flirting a little with Apoorv the last time they saw her.
Janaki sat there, maintaining her calm and poise, apparently dismissing all of Vaidehi's unsaid allegations. But, the smirk on Vaidehi's face just won't dissolve. Janaki always believed that she wasn't a very violent person. But the smirk was making her tempestuous. She secretly and violently killed Vaidehi in her head multiple times. Nothing would taint her trust in Apoorv. She she full well knew. But the smirk was making it difficult every passing minute. When they rose to leave, Janaki was a little satifsfied.
She knew all of Apoorv's passwords. But she never used them to check up on him. She was curious today, though. So she went through his emails. Apparently, Apoorv was having an affair with the publisher since even before they met. Janaki did not even want to figure out why Apoorv married her. There was a silver lining, amidst all this. Apoorv ended things with her not very long ago. He even wrote to her in one of the mails, "Janaki can't make me half as happy as you do, but I owe her some loyalty." She couldn't believe her eyes. All of these years, while she thought that Apoorv was at peace with her, he was only too bored to talk. From what little she could gather, her love to him was just a nest to get back to after all the soaring of the daylight. Because, he always knew that it is not going anywhere.
She couldn't figure what should she be more furious about, the fact that she was cheated on, or that Apoorv made it so easy for her to find out, or that she did not find it out despite the former, or that he just assumed that Janaki won't go anywhere. It all made sense to her. Apoorv was a little too happy of late. It did seem fake to her earlier. But, she never worried herself. Apoorv always let Janaki have her way with everything these days. She should have known that he was compensating for something. But, she never worried herself. Apoorv never seemed to get bored even of the most mundane things. But she never worried herself.
Everything happened right before her blind eyes. Yet, she never worried herself. That was probably the reason. She never worried herself. She never thought that there can be another side to this fairy tale-sort of a life. For more than a minute, she had no idea of what to do. In a sudden fit of anger, she wrote a nasty email to Apoorv. She wrote how she read about the affair and that she could never make him happy, not enough anyway. She also ranted a bit about how he broke up with the mistress but he was reuniting with her today because Janaki wasn't enough for him. She was a little glad when she finished writing the email. A sense of satisfaction overwhelmed her when she hit "Send", she knew she had done the right thing.
The next moment, she stormed out of what once was her home. She has decided on never coming back.With nowhere else to go, she sat by the edge of the bridge, by the sea. The sudden wind made her forget everything in a moment. She was back to being calm and decided to not think of Apoorv at all. Obviously, in a matter of minutes she started to think of what went wrong. While connecting the dots, as she was accumulating all her anger within herself; her phone rang. It was Apoorv. She thought she would give him a mindful and answered the phone, but words couldn't find a way out of her. Actually, Apoorv did not give her time to speak. He was a little excited, happy rather. He quickly blabberred that he was in love with Janaki and would give the world for her. He said that all his plans were cancelled and he'd spend the night at home. For some reason, he also told her that he'd spend his entire life with her, without regret. Janaki could not comprehend. To an astonished "What!" Apoorv replied that he was sorry for not being himself for the past few days. Things had gone wrong. He had made some poor decisions. But he had now decided to make every wrong right and correct everything that needs correction. And then some.
Janaki paused a little before finally summoning the courage to ask him if he had had the time to check his emails. Apoorv replied in the negative with a tone of surprise. But he cut her through. He asked her if she was home; without waiting for a reply told her to get dressed and they'd go out to a candle-light dinner and he'd play her violin at night. He also told her that he loved her and only her and she made him feel like himself. He hung up abruptly, but not without telling her that he will get her some lillies.
Janaki was aghast. Obviously he hadn't gotten to know what she had discovered. Clearly, he had decided against going back to the other. For a minute she thought it would have been so wonderful had she not found out. He'd have gotten back to being his normal self, the one that she never could have believed to have had any reason to mistrust. That is when it struck her.
She had nowhere to go now.
Obviously she couldn't go back to her parents and she was too old to start life afresh. She could go back "home". But to what end? Apoorv would now know what she found and he'd never be the same again, even if he wanted to. For some reason, her entire life was surrounded by a lie, but it was convenient. Today was probably the first day that she had done something impulsive in a really long time and yet she was regretting it in no time.
A lot of her life had suddenly fallen apart. Janaki wasn't very sure of what to do, she wasnt used to being thus. She rose, after what seemed like forever, to get back. Having known fully well, that she had ruined her family unit beyond repairs, each step foward seemed to get heavier. Unable to do it, she started walking backwards, which was so much more convenient, that she paced a lot more than she was comfortable with. Before she could realize, she had walked beyond the edge.
What she had on her face while she fell in the water was a smile of an escapist.
"He's very successful," they said, "too successful to stay loyal to one". "He's already been in many relationships, he wouldn't know how to handle just one." They said. But Janaki was too smitten to hear any of it. She still was.
Their's was a story right out of a fairy tale. Apoorv was struggling through a bad divorce. He had a son. Ironically, neither the ex-wife nor he wanted custody of the child. It was a complicated story.There were times, several of them, when Janaki and Apoorv would sit over coffee and have a hearty laugh over it all. It was during this time that Janaki had met Apoorv; his book had just been published. She had read his works and went to one of those book signing events that the publishers had organised. The first time they saw each other, Janaki knew that she will melt in his arms, and Apoorv found what he was always looking for, all these days.
They met several times thereafter and enjoyed every moment spent together. Getting married seemed like the obvious progression. But Janaki's parents weren't very happy about this alliance. No set of parents would welcome their daughter getting married to a divorced father of one, more than a decade older than her. But Janaki was in love. She tried to explain at first, not too hard, though. To her, her father wasn't the best husband and her step-mother never fit into her mother's shoes. To her, Apoorv was the solace she needed, the only missing puzzle piece. It wasn't a question, it was a statement. SO she walked out of her house. And thus, they were married. Janaki never reconciled with her parents, did not even make a frail attempt. If she ever listed the things that she would have done differently, this wouldn't even make it to the list. Yes. She was that happy, at least until a little while ago.
It was not just the fact that they loved each other. They understood, shared the same sense of wicked humour, saw everything in multiple lights, liked the same misadventures, movies, songs, the works! Every day became more comfortable than the last. There would be days when they would escape the grotesque mansion and go miles away into the wild; just to stare at stars in the night, hold hands, rejuvenate the undying love.
It wasn't very long ago that they started having his ex-wife and son visit them. Apoorv wasn't very fond of either. But Janaki wanted to have their company. She knew that she probably would never want to have her own children. But she wanted to be around Apoorv's son. "It is one of those ageing woman things," she told Apoorv. Guess that was all that she could think of. And Apoorv would never deny her anything. More so, of late, he would agree with anything Janaki ever asked for. It wasn't much of a debate, one would think.
So there they were, one fine day, Apoorv wasn't at home, but Vaidehi and Kannan were. Every day that they would come over, Apoorv wouldn't be at home. Janaki would have begun to feel that he was avoiding them on purpose; but she knew that work had kept Apoorv away from home a little too frequently in the near past. She wasn't really the one to complain.
"Why isn't he at home ever?" Vaidehi asked, "Why do I not get to see him unless he wants something of me? Oh! This reminds me of good old times." She laughed hysterically.
Janaki tried to cut her laugh short; half out of the courtesy of conversation, but primarily because her laugh was scary, "He's out for work, he should be back soon."
Vaidehi wasn't even convinced, "What work, don't you wonder? He is supposed to be a writer. Can't he write anywhere? He hasn't published anything in what 6 years now! Trust my word honey, he's not the one you trust this blindly. I did it once. Look where it got me."
Kannan interrupted the conversation (much to Janaki's relief), he wanted to play on Daddy's laptop. Though Janaki believed that she would enjoy Kannan's company, he wasn't really an ideal son. She dismissed it with a thought that probably all kids this age would be similar. But the more she got exposed to the pleasure of the company of Apoorv's ex-family, the more she understood why Apoorv couldn't live with them. She laughed a little within, as she realised how amused would Apoorv be if she told him thusly. While Janaki was rummaging through these thoughts, Kannan had already unlocked his father's laptop and was ransacking each and every possible nook to find something that could entertain him. The laptop chimed. It was an email. Kannan ran to his mother. "Maa, is it spelt t o n i te or t o n i g h t?", he asked. "Why do I pay your school if I have to answer these questions? Why are you asking anyway?" she wasn't pleased.
Kannan screamed "But this e-mail daddy got reads "tonight" and it is not even a full sentence." Janaki became a little curious. She went over to the laptop to see what was it that drew a smirk on Vaidehi's face. Apoorv's publisher (who had last published for him about 7 years ago) had messaged him "Tonight". It was almost the same time that Apoorv called Janaki to tell her that he shall not be home for the night. Janaki wasn't too sure if this was a cause for an alarm, but she remembered the publisher. She was one of the most beautiful women Janaki had ever met and she also remembered her flirting a little with Apoorv the last time they saw her.
Janaki sat there, maintaining her calm and poise, apparently dismissing all of Vaidehi's unsaid allegations. But, the smirk on Vaidehi's face just won't dissolve. Janaki always believed that she wasn't a very violent person. But the smirk was making her tempestuous. She secretly and violently killed Vaidehi in her head multiple times. Nothing would taint her trust in Apoorv. She she full well knew. But the smirk was making it difficult every passing minute. When they rose to leave, Janaki was a little satifsfied.
She knew all of Apoorv's passwords. But she never used them to check up on him. She was curious today, though. So she went through his emails. Apparently, Apoorv was having an affair with the publisher since even before they met. Janaki did not even want to figure out why Apoorv married her. There was a silver lining, amidst all this. Apoorv ended things with her not very long ago. He even wrote to her in one of the mails, "Janaki can't make me half as happy as you do, but I owe her some loyalty." She couldn't believe her eyes. All of these years, while she thought that Apoorv was at peace with her, he was only too bored to talk. From what little she could gather, her love to him was just a nest to get back to after all the soaring of the daylight. Because, he always knew that it is not going anywhere.
She couldn't figure what should she be more furious about, the fact that she was cheated on, or that Apoorv made it so easy for her to find out, or that she did not find it out despite the former, or that he just assumed that Janaki won't go anywhere. It all made sense to her. Apoorv was a little too happy of late. It did seem fake to her earlier. But, she never worried herself. Apoorv always let Janaki have her way with everything these days. She should have known that he was compensating for something. But, she never worried herself. Apoorv never seemed to get bored even of the most mundane things. But she never worried herself.
Everything happened right before her blind eyes. Yet, she never worried herself. That was probably the reason. She never worried herself. She never thought that there can be another side to this fairy tale-sort of a life. For more than a minute, she had no idea of what to do. In a sudden fit of anger, she wrote a nasty email to Apoorv. She wrote how she read about the affair and that she could never make him happy, not enough anyway. She also ranted a bit about how he broke up with the mistress but he was reuniting with her today because Janaki wasn't enough for him. She was a little glad when she finished writing the email. A sense of satisfaction overwhelmed her when she hit "Send", she knew she had done the right thing.
The next moment, she stormed out of what once was her home. She has decided on never coming back.With nowhere else to go, she sat by the edge of the bridge, by the sea. The sudden wind made her forget everything in a moment. She was back to being calm and decided to not think of Apoorv at all. Obviously, in a matter of minutes she started to think of what went wrong. While connecting the dots, as she was accumulating all her anger within herself; her phone rang. It was Apoorv. She thought she would give him a mindful and answered the phone, but words couldn't find a way out of her. Actually, Apoorv did not give her time to speak. He was a little excited, happy rather. He quickly blabberred that he was in love with Janaki and would give the world for her. He said that all his plans were cancelled and he'd spend the night at home. For some reason, he also told her that he'd spend his entire life with her, without regret. Janaki could not comprehend. To an astonished "What!" Apoorv replied that he was sorry for not being himself for the past few days. Things had gone wrong. He had made some poor decisions. But he had now decided to make every wrong right and correct everything that needs correction. And then some.
Janaki paused a little before finally summoning the courage to ask him if he had had the time to check his emails. Apoorv replied in the negative with a tone of surprise. But he cut her through. He asked her if she was home; without waiting for a reply told her to get dressed and they'd go out to a candle-light dinner and he'd play her violin at night. He also told her that he loved her and only her and she made him feel like himself. He hung up abruptly, but not without telling her that he will get her some lillies.
Janaki was aghast. Obviously he hadn't gotten to know what she had discovered. Clearly, he had decided against going back to the other. For a minute she thought it would have been so wonderful had she not found out. He'd have gotten back to being his normal self, the one that she never could have believed to have had any reason to mistrust. That is when it struck her.
She had nowhere to go now.
Obviously she couldn't go back to her parents and she was too old to start life afresh. She could go back "home". But to what end? Apoorv would now know what she found and he'd never be the same again, even if he wanted to. For some reason, her entire life was surrounded by a lie, but it was convenient. Today was probably the first day that she had done something impulsive in a really long time and yet she was regretting it in no time.
A lot of her life had suddenly fallen apart. Janaki wasn't very sure of what to do, she wasnt used to being thus. She rose, after what seemed like forever, to get back. Having known fully well, that she had ruined her family unit beyond repairs, each step foward seemed to get heavier. Unable to do it, she started walking backwards, which was so much more convenient, that she paced a lot more than she was comfortable with. Before she could realize, she had walked beyond the edge.
What she had on her face while she fell in the water was a smile of an escapist.
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