a new experience..

i have joined an office.. like i have begun working.. its been a while...
last time i checked... i was just 12 years of age..
but well... time flew by.... din't take me along...
so well, i manage to pretend to know how to behave in public. and gosh! i can safely assume that i'm good at it.
i still remember a certain Debajit/sheesh Dey once complimented me that i am to intelligent for my age (was 19 then)... sometimes i wonder if i was smart or if he was dumb... i guess the latter.. specially considering the fact that i don't even remember his first name. and then once a girl told me that i am the nicest person she has ever come accross (that was because i had helped her for no good reason)

oh well, drifting away from the topic, am i?

dragging myself back..
i am working in a certain remote area in rajasthan. its nice. like i love rajasthan when its green. nothing can supress the pleasure i derive from passing through fields of greens protected by walls of hospitable cactus. reminds me of ol' times.

however, this time i'm stuffed. yeah, apart from ageing.. that comes because of a lot of reasons.

there's solitude that i need to take care of. and its difficult. not that i'm not alone when i'm amongst people. but when i'm in my own world, people are used to me. i don't have to smile at every random face i think i spoke to 15 minutes ago (yeah, short term memory). i don't have to be nice when people ask me sweet ice-breakers like "where are you from?" (how i wish i could answer pluto to that one.)
ah! never mind.
crux of the matter.. i am alone here. and its good.... at times..
being alone hurts when ... well, sometimes.
i wonder why.. but my biggest fear of all times is the fear of dying a loner. Not that any amount of humanity can make life any less miserable.. but i need to talk.

anyways.. i've clicked pictures. i love to click pictures.

any random new thing that catches my attention needs to be on my camera(5mp is good enough.. not really.. but yeah! whatever..) because i would easily forget it later considering the sharp memory that i have.

so.. here i am.. when i was in a power plant for some work.. my peers wondered why was i smiling... little did they realise that i have grown up in a manufacturing company's vicinity.. so the humungous noise that the plant made reminded me of my "lovely" childhood *of course i was sarcastic, deal with it!*
its nice.
the pictures.. well..
i'd see which ones to upload and would be here soon.

the food here is miserable.. so that helps me discover the levels to which i can bear hunger and survive on dog-food.

FOOD! yess... the next post could be on food.. that'd be nice.

anyways.. i do a lot of donkey-work in here. so no point in even getting started about work.
i do intend to roam arouind a lot of places and collect memoirs.. but that might happen sometime.

so here.. it gives me a lot of time to introspect. at times i even get a feeling that i am not entirely unlivable with. manage to scrape through.. and quite well too.
guess it just is alright.
i used to always wish for the me-time.

i do get some of it now. but i dont know if this was what i wished for. but what i get is not bad either. tends to get wearisome at times. but a little frustration is good for the mind and soul. works as a check on goals and achievements. like a good exercise for the mind.

its not noisy at all. i like peace. but in here its as silent as a graveyard. welcoming for all the inner demons to creep up in my mind stealthily and devour all remains of sanity. THAT is what makes it a trying time. i have succumbed yet. but ravages of time "thou art worthy of thine shame"

hmmm.. so thats where we get. its not entirely unpleasant, though. i have my moments of pleasantries too. but those too come with a whole new set of questions about guilt, worth, longevity, trust and truth. its insane. but worth it! (or so i think)

di'nt get a shit of all of the above, did you?

well.. lots more to come.

now you know why my blogs have on 35 veiws approximately?

:D

that should be it for now..

take loads of care of yourself..

see you around..

PS.. i am not f**ked at punctuations. i dont respect myself enough to use 'I' and nothing else is worth the effort.